#selflove 7/02/15 Friends


As I get older I find it harder to make friends. It seems like a filter was removed from my eyes. I see people for who they really are, many are opportunist.

When did it become the norm?

The most recent conversation left a question begging to be answered. When did it become normal for friendships to become forged on a foundation of self interest?  A false foundation will give way to the truth underneath. And why initiate the manipulation of some else’s good intention? If both individuals are mutually benefiting from one another’s resources and abilities and both are aware, then both are participating knowing that they are being mined for resources.  Where there is an issue is when one person is unaware, when they come into the friendship uninterested in what you can do for them or they can do for you. Their intention is to grab a drink, converse and have some fun.

When we were kids, friends were abundant, school and playing in the park gave you all the social networking you needed. Toys and candy were communal,  parents got to meet other parents and educated one another on how their kids weren’t weird. Teachers taught you to share, lunch ladies taught you about the harsh realities of life and the janitor always snuck me an extra chocolate milk.

But are we automatically programmed to seek each other out because of self interests? Friendship vampires? When did it become wrong to simply be kind and fair to one another? Or maybe I am wrong, I will admit to it if in fact I am totally off.

The idealist in me refuses to let go of the notion that we can be decent to one another without an ulterior motive. Yes, friends align because we are supportive to one another, we affirm one another and make each other laugh. But it works because it is a two way street,  I continue to take issue when it is one sided.

Allow yourself to be valued by your friends, check and see who is showing you respect and take a selflove moment to see if you are being a good friend as well. Your list of friends will be shorter, but you want quality not quantity. @ShashaSelflove is about recognizing your value and holding yourself accountable to show yourself that respect and not allowing anyone in your life to negotiate that. Friends are there to be the cheerleaders in your life, you are the star player and visa versa. Watch out for who is cheering you on, if they aren’t…your list just got shorter. Big hug!


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