I rarely put up a something personal, but sometimes it is important to illustrate a point. So here we go…
There is a Spanish song the says, “I can’t stop loving you, even though your love is lynching me.” (In the States most people think of lynching as a hanging, but in most Latin culture a lynching is the act of being beaten to death.) I had heard the song over and over, but never paid attention to the words until one day on my way home.
I met someone for a cup of coffee, it was possibly the most relevant cup of coffee I ever drank. We met at work, the first time I saw him my heart raced and I forgot how to use words in a sentence. Whenever I would bump into him I literally would smile and forgot the English, Spanish, French, and Portuguese I had attempted to seek in my verbal bank (I could only hear two German ladies screaming at each other). After some back and forth and my awkwardness subsided, we got together for coffee. We sat there for about 5 hours, we talked until the sun went down, people came and went, we laughed and talked about our own future plans. As I sat there, laughing and sharing, the only thing I wanted more than to continue talking was to disappear. I wanted to be invisible, I wanted bigger boobs, a smaller waist, plumper lips, long blond hair and not to be there. He was sitting right across from me, looking dead at me and I dreaded anyone looking at me. I couldn’t accept myself, my appearance and everything about me. We never went out again, saw him at work a few times, and although I fell hard for him, he didn’t know I existed and certainly not in the way he existed for me. But he served his purpose (not sorry).
So what did the song have to do with anything?
As I drove home, the song played, my eyes welled up as I crossed the toll booth, the toll booth worker was singing, he winked at me as I paid my toll, and a tear rolled down each cheek. He smiled and weirdly enough kept singing, “Girrrllllllll!” he belted out with a Barry White voice. I laughed through the tears and realized that this stranger, who sees a million people a day, saw me. The real me, that I rarely allow people to see – I rarely allow myself to cry in front of anyone. He didn’t know me and he took two seconds to make me smile and feel accepted. I thought I was loving myself, my version of self love was whipping myself to the point of tearing myself to shreds. As the song played on the radio I had finally heard the words, I was beating myself up. But why?
As I continued my drive, I realized that I am worthy and that there are to many of us that do not know it. Accepting yourself takes embracing who you really are, flaws and all. The second I drove away from the toll booth that I needed to change the way I loved myself, that no matter who I was in front of I needed to feel comfortable with me. Why hide? I want you to love yourself too. Loving yourself means putting healthy food into your body, keeping healthy people in your life, maintaining a positive attitude in front of adversity, and not beating yourself up when things go wrong. It means accepting that parts of you that make you unique and improving those parts you want to work on.
Acceptance also means recognizing that the events and people that come into your life serve a purpose to make you better. It may be a quick moment or an extended experience, but that entity is meant to be temporary and to show you a permanent lesson.
Are all around you accepting of you? It is interesting how we have people in our lives that push their opinion on us, how you dress, how you look, what you should eat and even where you live. You gave them a level of comfortablity to interject and without missing a beat, they chime in whenever possible. Are they accepting of you or are they looking to accept their version of you? We talked about the list of friends getting smaller, is it getting even smaller? Good.
Self acceptance also means not accepting anyone who doesn’t accept you. Self acceptance also means admitting to yourself that there are things that you are doing right and thing that need to be worked on. Make yourself a better you, for you! Look in that mirror and have a big smile. Big hug!
Posted from WordPress for Android