When you where a child it was one of the words you heard the most, “No, you can’t go to your friends house. No, I am not buying you a skate board.”, whoever said it to you was doing it for your well being. They thought about the consequence for allowing you to do whatever you were requesting, they knew of the possibilities and the risks involved, so they favored a cautious decision and said no.
Even as a child yourself you said no, temper tantrums were often successful and parents gave in – you had so much power when you were 2, you had every airplane passenger at your mercy and everyone at the supermarket would clear the way when they would hear you screaming, “Noooooooo!”.
So why as an adult have you forgotten to say no? Why have you given up your power? Or is it that you have forgotten that you had that option?
Most times we worry about hurting someone or offending them by not consenting to whatever it is they are requesting. And as adults there are two things with that, does the request put the requester at risk and the same for you. Saying no may be an act of self preservation as well as an act of saving someone from themselves. At the end of the day, you have to live with what you allow and what you allow you have done to you. If there was no objection on your part to go on the trip, no complaints while on it or on the way back.
It all seems so negative, saying no. But it isn’t, it comes from a place of self empowerment, with good intentions. Not giving permission to matters is way of taking back control, it is defending yourself without always having to take a defensive stance. The strong will admire your ability to make a well examed decision, the weak will resent your ability to do so. Then there is you, be proud of the fact that you are working hard to make wiser (not because you are always assumed tp be right or being bullish) decisions that will provide long term fulfilment.
The journey towards self love is filled with pit falls and high hopes. The destination is to look back and know that every decision you made was well intended, helpful to others and helpful to you. Self love is about self preservation and making the best, most positive life for yourself because life is cruel enough for you to be adding to the pile. We are all on this journey together. Big hug!
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