Love is like going to war, you never come back the same.
You aren’t supposed to.
You open yourself up to someone and bare your soul, in exchange you risk lemons being squeezed over a fresh wound. The reality is that if we are going to dare ourselves to feel, we are going to expose ourselves to the consequences. Sometimes the consequences are a love that is corresponded to and other times it is having that love mistreated.
You have been so used to the way you been treated that you are afraid when someone treats you the way you should be. What if you open up and they betray you? What if you never get over your fear and continue to live on a cycle of isolation and emotional abandonment? I get that you are making yourself vulnerable to possibly being hurt again, but please take head to the lessons that life is teaching you and the signs you are being shown.
You are afraid of someone or something that means no harm. You can’t get bitten by something that has no teeth. Examine them if you must, investigate whether or not they are being truthful, push them away to see if they will come back – if they are still willing to love you, why aren’t you allowing yourself to be loved? It is a risk, I know it.
I guess the more appropriate question, why aren’t you showing yourself love by allowing better people into your life to show you that there is a difference. There are genuinely good people out there, they are hard to find – they are hiding from clear view, they have been hurt as well. They have something true and pure that they want to share with you, something that you are longing for. But you have to love yourself first, you have to say to the world, “I am worthy”, and you are worthy.
At this point you have had some experience, all the love songs make sense to you, but if you are still not able to tell whether or not the perosn attempting to get close to you is well intentioned – a few more love songs will be needed to make sure you get it. Heartache is part of learning too. Big hug!
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