@ShashaSelflove 12/15/15 Non-Negotiable

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You have those things in your life that you simply won’t budge on and guess what, you should. There can’t be any apologies for sticking up for yourself and establishing what you will and won’t do. It takes some major grounding to realize that you owe yourself your own bill of rights.

Everyone’s list is different and it is also circumstantial. It takes a lot to muster up the courage to put the list together and then to live by it. Don’t be afraid to be brave.

Don’t know what to put on your list? I will share mine with you, the following is my list of non-negotiable rules in my relationships. It would be a different list for a friendship, but not drastically.
I apply these rules to myself and present the list to my partner. It isn’t outlandish (I don’t think), and he has the right to reject it and by default of his rejection, not be in a relationship with me. So here it is:

1. No hitting/No infidelity. If either happen, I am no longer in this relationship. 
2. If there is something you need to say, sit me down and communicate with me. I am one of the best listeners I know, plus there are few things that I haven’t heard. Talk to me.
3. We have to treat each other with consideration and respect.
4. Our bills and responsibilities take priority over any pleasure expenses.
5. Our business is private and privileged to only the two people in the relationship. 
6. We are going to avoid living with family at all costs. (Them living with us and us living with them)
7. We have to travel together.
8. The decisions are to be made and consulted between the two of us. If we need consulting,  we will go to a family member that we both trust or a professional. 
9. We both have to be employed.  (I don’t care if you are the janitor at the shit factory, we both have to be employed.) A solid work ethic has to be important to the both of us.
10. We have to make time for one another, regardless of our schedules and obligations. We will not find time, we will make time.
11. As partners we are loyal to one another, knowing that where ever the other stands we are a representation of the other.
12. We can be different religions, but if we are to have a child – we have to agree on one for that child/children.
14. Romance me. I will romance you as well.
15. This isn’t 50/50, I am bringing my 100% to the table, I expect you to bring your 100% as well.
16. Yes, I have a family, so do you. Let’s play nice and have very stern boundaries on both sides.
17. I am ambitious,  I won’t apologize for it. I won’t be shamed for it, I won’t take myself down a notch to fit your idea of what I am supposed to be. Whereas you are my priority and if you need me everything stops – once things blow over, I am back to work.
18. There is no nonsense.  I am a no nonsense person. You never pulled a fast one on me, I can play dumb all day, but please know that I am aware and I have let you get away with something. That has its limits.
19. Don’t argue with me in front of people. We can sit down and talk this out in private, but if you decide to have an argument in public – be prepared to be royally embarrassed (debate team in high school and college!).
20. I can’t have pets. Allergies!
21. Ask me anything you want to know about me and never assume you know me.
22. When stuck on what to get me for a gift, know this: my birth stone is diamond, I am a dork (Barnes and Nobles has a place in my heart), I love gym stuff, I am addicted to flowers and chocolate, I love American dad, we can go hiking, to a formal ballroom or sit on the couch and ice cream can be a meal (always).
23. An epic shoe collection exists, you were warned.
24. I have bad luck, so buckle up. Also, that is why there isn’t a number 13 on this list.

Seems simple, but again, this is my list and to some this may seem impossible or high maintenance.  So make your list for you.

Seize your real estate so that you can have what you need out of that particular relationship. It is hard because you are sticking up for yourself,  but this blog is about self love and expecting that those in your life show you love and respect.  Big Hug!

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46 thoughts on “@ShashaSelflove 12/15/15 Non-Negotiable

  1. Wow – that is not so much a romance as a business contract. I don’t think the child should be brought up with any religion until he/she is old enough to think.
    Is it negotiable?

    1. That’s up to you and your partner to decide! You guys have to hash that out and stick to it. We all have our own personal list, mine is…informative. ..lol

  2. High maintenance you said at the end? fewww, you took it to the next level.
    My list is a simple one since I don´t expect the other person to be perfect and accomodate all my needs.
    Rule one: Trust. That´s it. Which is one of the hardest by the way.

      1. I got that, and we all to have our quirks. And if you really love the person, you´ll love them with their quirks that may sometimes get on your nerves. Forgot, another rule, fun! Extremely important in a relationship to laugh and have fun with your partner. Just my humble thoughts.

      2. I appreciate your input, some people have had some mean comments that I am not approving. I think that I cover the important, long term stuff. Fun is important and I thought that parts of the list were humorous. I am sure other people just have one thing on their list, I just like to cover as many bases as possible. Thanks so much Charly!

      3. I like having civilised conversations, no point in putting out mean comments, doesn´t get you anywhere. If you have something mean to say just shut up, you can disagree with the person but you can do it politely and realice that not all people are or think the same and that should be respected. So the typical phrase “agree to disagree”. Plus is good the Exchange of ideas, I like that even when we I don´t see eye to eye with the other person, plus I´m jokester so I don´t take things very seriously, I actually have a real problema. l look in the mirror when I wake up and end up rolling around the floor giggling like a little girl at the sight of myself.
        But if they really piss me off…. then is a part of me people really don´t want to see.
        As one guy said, I´m kind to everyone but if someone is unkind to me the last thing he´s going to remember me for is being kind.

      4. You may not be high maintenance but I am, I still have not found a down side to driving a BMW and living in a mansion plus a blond by my side, and I´ll add the golden retriever also, always wanted one of those.
        And don´t laugh too much, as they say here in Spain “a fly can get in”…..doesn´t make much sense now that I think about it, go figure.

  3. Shasha, you can always get a hypoallergenic cat. Or even a dog, if that’s your thing. They grow hair instead of fur, so there’s no dander. Other than that, I was with you 100%!

      1. I’m glad you liked it. And I’ve really been touched by your words, too. It sounds like you and I have similar hearts, and maybe broken in all the same ways.

      2. That is truly sweet, such profound words. I am flattered that you enjoy the blog, I am humbled to know that someone out there reads my material. In that spirit I have two things to offer. Super glue and wine! Let’s keep writing!

  4. I don’t think this is the end of the road, this list, and I don’t think it’s a bad idea. I think once we love ourselves unconditionally we attract people who don’t require us to police the relationship for potential violations. I had a list like this a couple of years ago. I am still evolving and now see my list as exhausting. I have gravitated to a more spiritual way of looking at life and the people that I attract into mine. I do believe they are mirrors of ourselves, our desires, fears, and needs. If I meet a man who realizes God flows through him to experience life and give purpose to his, then I have met my guy. If not, that is fine too. I am at peace with myself now days. That said, good luck with this, it’s all good, but as I said, it ain’t over!

  5. What a wonderful post! I loved this list! i was astonished to find how many of my thoughts were similar! If you do not mind I would like to reblog this!

  6. Awesome list. This isn’t high maintenance at all; in fact its the opposite. High maintenance is poor boundaries and a wishy-washy sense of self. Strong, clear communication makes relationships easy. Well done 🙂

  7. “You have those things in your life that you simply won’t budge on and guess what, you should”
    That statement can be taken 2 ways:
    1) You should have things you you simply won’t budge on
    2) You should budge on those things.
    The second one is what struck me first.

    1. It depends on what it is. Some things are just not going to up for negotiation. And that is ok. Thanks for the comment!

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