You have those things in your life that you simply won’t budge on and guess what, you should. There can’t be any apologies for sticking up for yourself and establishing what you will and won’t do. It takes some major grounding to realize that you owe yourself your own bill of rights.
Everyone’s list is different and it is also circumstantial. It takes a lot to muster up the courage to put the list together and then to live by it. Don’t be afraid to be brave.
Don’t know what to put on your list? I will share mine with you, the following is my list of non-negotiable rules in my relationships. It would be a different list for a friendship, but not drastically.
I apply these rules to myself and present the list to my partner. It isn’t outlandish (I don’t think), and he has the right to reject it and by default of his rejection, not be in a relationship with me. So here it is:
1. No hitting/No infidelity. If either happen, I am no longer in this relationship.
2. If there is something you need to say, sit me down and communicate with me. I am one of the best listeners I know, plus there are few things that I haven’t heard. Talk to me.
3. We have to treat each other with consideration and respect.
4. Our bills and responsibilities take priority over any pleasure expenses.
5. Our business is private and privileged to only the two people in the relationship.
6. We are going to avoid living with family at all costs. (Them living with us and us living with them)
7. We have to travel together.
8. The decisions are to be made and consulted between the two of us. If we need consulting, we will go to a family member that we both trust or a professional.
9. We both have to be employed. (I don’t care if you are the janitor at the shit factory, we both have to be employed.) A solid work ethic has to be important to the both of us.
10. We have to make time for one another, regardless of our schedules and obligations. We will not find time, we will make time.
11. As partners we are loyal to one another, knowing that where ever the other stands we are a representation of the other.
12. We can be different religions, but if we are to have a child – we have to agree on one for that child/children.
14. Romance me. I will romance you as well.
15. This isn’t 50/50, I am bringing my 100% to the table, I expect you to bring your 100% as well.
16. Yes, I have a family, so do you. Let’s play nice and have very stern boundaries on both sides.
17. I am ambitious, I won’t apologize for it. I won’t be shamed for it, I won’t take myself down a notch to fit your idea of what I am supposed to be. Whereas you are my priority and if you need me everything stops – once things blow over, I am back to work.
18. There is no nonsense. I am a no nonsense person. You never pulled a fast one on me, I can play dumb all day, but please know that I am aware and I have let you get away with something. That has its limits.
19. Don’t argue with me in front of people. We can sit down and talk this out in private, but if you decide to have an argument in public – be prepared to be royally embarrassed (debate team in high school and college!).
20. I can’t have pets. Allergies!
21. Ask me anything you want to know about me and never assume you know me.
22. When stuck on what to get me for a gift, know this: my birth stone is diamond, I am a dork (Barnes and Nobles has a place in my heart), I love gym stuff, I am addicted to flowers and chocolate, I love American dad, we can go hiking, to a formal ballroom or sit on the couch and ice cream can be a meal (always).
23. An epic shoe collection exists, you were warned.
24. I have bad luck, so buckle up. Also, that is why there isn’t a number 13 on this list.
Seems simple, but again, this is my list and to some this may seem impossible or high maintenance. So make your list for you.
Seize your real estate so that you can have what you need out of that particular relationship. It is hard because you are sticking up for yourself, but this blog is about self love and expecting that those in your life show you love and respect. Big Hug!
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