I was having a conversation with my mom, yes my Queen was discussing marriage with her sorely single daughter. The discussion came to an impasse on the subject of happiness, in making your partner happy. I objected (I am happily divorced) and my objection is that I cannot make my partner happy as he cannot make me happy. The theory is this, you are happy and I am happy and as a result we share our “happy” together. Whatever that looks like is a private dynamic between those two people, happy isn’t a giant smile across your face 24/7. You are going to have struggles that will make you stronger as a couple, that is expected. Partner A cannot resolve the issue of Partner B’s childhood, traumas, scars and the such – the partners can support each other to get through their struggles, to encourage one another to overcome the hurt they have experienced and to show them that not everyone is in their life to inflict conflict to them. At first it was crickets, I presented my point with examples and my own experience, then my Queen conceded to something I said – that love is something that your have to go in with your head and then when you have proof that this person is worth the investment of emotions; then allow your heart into the equation. And that you cannot take on the burdens of someone who is not confronting them on their own. So, we were able to agree, protect your heart with your head.
Aren’t the things that are the hardest to do the easiest to say? That’s life, you meet the person one day and all of your rules fly out the window. The look in their eyes, the way they speak, a kind gesture just knocks the cool and calm right out of you. Your head forgets how to tie a shoe and those bone dry palms won’t stop sweating, oh and how did you all of a sudden develop a stutter? That wasn’t there before! C’est la vie est magnifique, no? I saw somewhere on Facebook a post that said something to the effect of “My mind only goes blank during an exam and when I fall in love.”, that sounds about right! But once the initial impression that shoots glitter into your eyes subsides, you allow your brain to start back up – like a backup generator when the lights go out.
There is nothing wrong with caution. I know I have written about living a life that is fulfilled, about going with gusto towards where you are supposed to be and I have sprinkled in that you can always take a step back to examine. But the discussion about self-preservation hasn’t been had. So I think of two things, preserving your heart and preserving your mind. Why those two? Those are what suffer the most while we are rolling around this on blue marble we call Earth. We may take a physical beating, but we heal. Yes, there are emotional scars – we will talk about that in a bit. We may make mistakes, but we learn and there is a note left in our brain for the next time. That is how you develop discernment; in that your experience throughout life we help you have the ability to have improved judgment as you continue your journey.
So, as we all know having led with our hearts and remembering with our heads, so many situations that we have been left with an emotional scar that hurts worse than any physical assault you have ever experienced. The hurt has been very real and what I don’t want for you is to be bitter. The scar that scabbed over left a little dent in your mind, so that you don’t trust/love/believe the wrong person again – not for you to never trust/love/believe someone else. I don’t want you to think that you are just here to collect scars, although they provide character, you are meant to have someone that will protect your heart as well. Keep the lessons that life has given in your back pocket, allow them to serve as a reference into future experience but don’t take the pain of those experiences into your new encounters. Don’t be bitter about your scars, be happy that you are growing wiser as a person.
Be happy, show yourself love, please allow well intentioned people into your life, Big Hug!