@ShashaSelflove 1/14/16 Protect Your Heart

I was having a conversation with my mom, yes my Queen was discussing marriage with her sorely single daughter. The discussion came to an impasse on the subject of happiness, in making your partner happy. I objected (I am happily divorced) and my objection is that I cannot make my partner happy as he cannot make me happy. The theory is this, you are happy and I am happy and as a result we share our “happy” together. Whatever that looks like is a private dynamic between those two people, happy isn’t a giant smile across your face 24/7. You are going to have struggles that will make you stronger as a couple, that is expected. Partner A cannot resolve the issue of Partner B’s childhood, traumas, scars and the such – the partners can support each other to get through their struggles, to encourage one another to overcome the hurt they have experienced and to show them that not everyone is in their life to inflict conflict to them. At first it was crickets, I presented my point with examples and my own experience, then my Queen conceded to something I said – that love is something that your have to go in with your head and then when you have proof that this person is worth the investment of emotions; then allow your heart into the equation. And that you cannot take on the burdens of someone who is not confronting them on their own. So, we were able to agree, protect your heart with your head.

Aren’t the things that are the hardest to do the easiest to say? That’s life, you meet the person one day and all of your rules fly out the window. The look in their eyes, the way they speak, a kind gesture just knocks the cool and calm right out of you. Your head forgets how to tie a shoe and those bone dry palms won’t stop sweating, oh and how did you all of a sudden develop a stutter? That wasn’t there before! C’est la vie est magnifique, no? I saw somewhere on Facebook a post that said something to the effect of “My mind only goes blank during an exam and when I fall in love.”, that sounds about right! But once the initial impression that shoots glitter into your eyes subsides, you allow your brain to start back up – like a backup generator when the lights go out.

There is nothing wrong with caution. I know I have written about living a life that is fulfilled, about going with gusto towards where you are supposed to be and I have sprinkled in that you can always take a step back to examine. But the discussion about self-preservation hasn’t been had. So I think of two things, preserving your heart and preserving your mind. Why those two? Those are what suffer the most while we are rolling around this on blue marble we call Earth. We may take a physical beating, but we heal. Yes, there are emotional scars – we will talk about that in a bit. We may make mistakes, but we learn and there is a note left in our brain for the next time. That is how you develop discernment; in that your experience throughout life we help you have the ability to have improved judgment as you continue your journey.

So, as we all know having led with our hearts and remembering with our heads, so many situations that we have been left with an emotional scar that hurts worse than any physical assault you have ever experienced. The hurt has been very real and what I don’t want for you is to be bitter. The scar that scabbed over left a little dent in your mind, so that you don’t trust/love/believe the wrong person again – not for you to never trust/love/believe someone else. I don’t want you to think that you are just here to collect scars, although they provide character, you are meant to have someone that will protect your heart as well. Keep the lessons that life has given in your back pocket, allow them to serve as a reference into future experience but don’t take the pain of those experiences into your new encounters. Don’t be bitter about your scars, be happy that you are growing wiser as a person.

Be happy, show yourself love, please allow well intentioned people into your life, Big Hug!

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13 thoughts on “@ShashaSelflove 1/14/16 Protect Your Heart

  1. How do you infect another with happiness if you yourself are not happy?? That’s my theory. I must be happy and you should be happy, then happiness can flow from us both and with that we can chase away any sadness or negativity because we are both happy people individually.

    1. Mary, Mary! I agree, we all have different levels of happiness, it is all about sharing it and watering it – so that you can both grow. You can grow stronger and the love that blooms is stronger than anything!

  2. Yup. We have to be happy ourselves before we can “make” others happy. And by “make”, I mean do things that bring them joy and try to help them on their path.

    Love is complicated because people are complicated and life is complicated.

    1. Thank you terrepruitt! We as humans are so complicated when they really don’t need to be…sigh. let’s all try to make things for ourselves and those around us. All the best!

  3. This is a great post! I tend to take past experiences as a guideline to what will happen in the future, but I often forget it’s nothing but a lesson learned. The past is not a predictor of what will happen again, especially not if you’ve grown wiser. Thank you for posting this 🙂

    1. Samantha, that you so much for reading amd checking in! Lessons are gifts from fate and we need to embrace it! Hugs!

  4. Bonsoir SHASHA

    Mais que fais-je par ici
    Me serais-je perdu
    Mais non ça y est je me rappelle
    Je venais te dire bonsoir
    Te souhaiter une belle soirée
    Après une petite halte chez toi
    Je vais continuer mon trajet
    Je te fais une bise d’amitié

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