There comes a time when you slowly have to come off the stage, bowing out and collecting the applause. You can no longer act like it is alright and as much as you thought you could tolerate, truth is that you came to the realization that you don’t have to. So where do you do from there?
You pull up a stool, I am sitting on your right.
Having given you heart, soul and pieces of your mind to that person – you are now left with a gaping hole. That void feels like a giant sinkhole that has ruptured from the painful erosion they caused. You struggled to justify to yourself why you allowed them to carve away from your sediment, but it was that one last thing that finally caused your heart to give way. Feet wide and miles deep, you can’t sleep thinking of the fool you made yourself out to be, you can’t eat because your body is shaken from this violent turbulence, you can’t think because your mind has betrayed you and you can’t cry because that is what you did all night. They made you feel worthless for loving them, your offer was refused because of their own self-hate. Instead of leaving you be they inspired loved in you with no plans of reciprocating. In many ways, they showed their fear through their actions and made them yours.
Have a warm cup of tea, wrap your hands around the cup and allow the liquid that is heating up the cup warm your soul – you will be better. Be still, the worst is over and don’t beat yourself up, you haven’t made a mistake – there are no mistakes, there are just chances to make the next best move. Strip away your notions of shame because it didn’t work out and pay attention to the gem that this experience has given you in wisdom. You have limped away from this, bruised and bloody from the experience of loving someone who clearly didn’t know how to love you.
Think of the fact that this person may not be the one (friend, lover) you have been waiting for, but instead think that this person is here to serve you as a lesson. That their indifference is all they had to offer for a greater purpose. It wasn’t meant for you to live happily ever after with them (they aren’t your assigned person), it was meant for you to understand that you have qualities that deserve to be appreciated and those that don’t have the ability to recognize them should not be a priority in your life.
Pull away the positive from the experience, the lesson that only living in your own skin can give you. And realize that you have the right to end the show whenever you decide to and not a moment later. Take a bow and draw the curtains closed on your own act – the act that everything is okay, the right person will come into your life and you won’t have a need to play along – they won’t be there to play with you. It takes a lot of bravery to take this on, you are worth it. Big Hug!
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