@ShashaSelflove 5/17/16 Nepotism


Photo Credit: Chris Maynard

There are very few things in this lifetime that I will confess to despising, but this is one of those things that I have a severe disdain for. Hiring based on preference, whether they be a family member or a member of your inner circle – nepotism fills the room with concurring opinions and not necessarily smart ones. It is easy for the hiring manager to pick a candidate that he or she is comfortable with. The candidate is predictable and because there is a debt there is a loyalty – if only for a short period of time – that will be adhered to. Not only do I have ethical issues with this practice, I have a huge internal conflict with being forced to exist in this environment. As the “non-friend” or “non-family” member that the higher ups have decided to hire, I am placed in the awkward predicament of watching a relationship implode. I am usually the one that can see the fall out, tried to tell you what was coming (got ignored) and then has fragments flying passed my head. One person expects to be eternally thanked for the favor and the other senses they have repaid the favor. In my observation I notice that there are other entities in our lives that puts us in the practice of nepotism – we keep hiring familiar habits, partners or situations. Being comfortable may not serve us better in the long run, if anything – it is going to work against us.

I say it to the people I work with all the time, stay uncomfortable. In more ways than one – don’t keep “Yes” people around you. Group think is quite possible to best recipe for disaster, everyone thinks the same – there is no room to come off the page and have real innovation. But it is safe and comfy to have around you what is familiar to you. How can you stay sharp when no one is challenging you to think differently? You have allowed your life to be one big pile of nepotism, everyone agrees with you, everyone goes alone with your decisions, no one calls you out of your stuff, no one tells you that you are doing something wrong and (oh yeah) when things get tough they shrug their shoulders not willing to tell you that they knew your were wrong the entire time.

It is hard to take someone contradicting you all the time, having someone continuously on the opposite side of the spectrum than you is exhausting. You must strike an even balance on who you keep around you.

Hence, the never ending cast of “Yes” people that you have allowed to take front and center must be shown the door – replaced by those that will call you out when you need it. It is okay to cushion yourself with caring, loving people, but when you are going in the wrong direction those same people will care and love enough to stop you. Selflove is all about having love and respect for yourself and expecting the same for those that are a part of your inner circle. Stop creating nepotism in your life by hiring friends that won’t challenge you. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that everything is okay because those you have hired to tell you that everything is ok are doing what they have been hired to do. Get grounded and surround yourself with people that will support your hustle, will cheer you to the finish line and tell you when your shoes are untied. Big Hug!

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7 thoughts on “@ShashaSelflove 5/17/16 Nepotism

  1. Not sure how that works in relationships. You don’t want a pushover but you don’t was someone constantly trying to “change you.” I think people try to romanticize relationships to “I can change this about them” and if so, I’ll love the more. Or women love to say, I’ll change em or mold them. Men like to have their ego stroked w yeses every now and then. Your post had a wide range of perspective. I saw where you were going and thanks so much for your post and messages. Got me thinking deep as I get ready to go to the beach today. Hugs.

    1. It is finding that person that is able to balance you out. There is nothing worse than living with a sledgehammer, but the opposite gets boring. Regardless of the type of relationship, as both get to know each other you will set boundaries and expectations. It isn’t easy, but worth it. Hugs!

  2. This has so been on my mind this week as it reflects my own work environment. This also discounts the investment of time and loyalty, when a friend/family is given first offer to enter at management level, versus promoting from within. Ole boy’s club at its finest – helping those who are already best positioned to help themselves. It has made me re-think how important it is to share what we have where it is most needed – not as a means to draw higher position among friends.

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