So I am still dealing with the same issue that I have been experiencing since I have been able to articulate it. I thought that at 37 this would be a non-issue, I thought that after losing 155 pounds it would not happen as often and I figured that it is 2017 and the world was a more open minded place. I am wrong. And not only is it more prevalent, it is less detectable. Realizing that you are being rejected because you are overweight or have a different appearance than what society deems to be accept still happens and it is confusing. Because I am not a bad person because I am overweight, but I am treated like I kicked someone’s grandmother down a flight of stairs because I had a brownie 6 months ago. Unbelievable.
In the picture, is me. I was in the fitting room and was able to slip into a smaller size. I sent the picture to a friend, one of my biggest supporters. She has been with me through my struggles with my weight and cheers me on. Her reply, “It is the incredible shrinking woman!’, she makes me laugh. She gives me affirming words and tells me if I have lipstick on my teeth. That is a real friend! So when I tell her that I can’t land a date or have someone show me the slightest interest, she gets confused. I am good at human interaction, don’t get me wrong, being a human for 37 years gives you practice. I always leave my home bathed and groomed, like – every day. But I am overweight, how dare I have self esteem! How dare I expect someone out there be attracted to me! Apparently, I am not worthy. At least that is the message I am receiving.
Well, as usual, I am going to disappoint a lot of people. I am overweight. I was born overweight. I was a chubby kid, a fat teen, a chunky young adult and an obese adult. And I love myself. When I am in the fitting room I slap my ass and wink at myself. When some jerk tells me he is only into skinny girls, my response is, “you must be a real man to get on this ride”. And when people tell me I am way over committed to my healthy lifestyle, I remind them that I dead lift 150 pounds and they should pay attention to all the issues they are ignoring. Chip on my shoulder? Yes. Am I going to make myself responsible for their issues with fat people? Hell no!
Am I upset? Yes. I am and we all are so much more than a dress size or a crooked nose or whatever makes you unique. There is value in personality, values, talents and heart. There is a place for all of us and one day we will find that place. It is a struggle to stay positive when you allow someone to get close to you and they reject you because they won’t look past your appearance. But I realize that my qualities weren’t being appreciated and I wiped them right out of my life. We all have to stay strong and positive, know that one day someone will be blown away by the amazing uniqueness that is you. Until then, whomever doesn’t gets the door. You are worthy. Big Hug!