There are moments in life where we should have known better, we could have done something different and gone in an alternate direction to have a better outcome. Something made us stay, something made us silent or perhaps you took a hit to save someone else. All of this in some way, shape or form made us stronger for the experience. However, as we undue the ties that bind there is a pain associated to the “What if?” that lingers in your mind. For those of us that have those moments, I want you to do something for yourself. It may seem foolish or unnecessary, but you will stay bound to that regret. Go to the mirror, name your regret and look yourself in the eye. “I forgive you”, we have said it to those that have wronged us, to those that have caused trauma but we have a hard time saying it ourselves.
I didn’t leave, I didn’t tell anyone and guess what – I know my reasons why. I protected those around me because I knew I could take it and they couldn’t. That is why I acted the way I did and at first everyone asked, “Why?”, they wouldn’t understand the careful planning that I had to do, they would not get the severity of it all. But I knew and at the end of the day, I did the best I could. I forgave myself for looking out for others and not myself first, I forgave myself for looking people in the eye and being too proud to not tell them that I needed help, I forgave myself for not acting sooner. And guess what? I realized that I was stronger that I ever imagined. You are too.
I stayed strong to my will, because at the end of the day I am stubborn (I admit it) and I have a plan in my head that I am going to stick to. You had your reasons as well – good, bad or wrong, you can’t go back in time. So learn from the experience, keep that lesson close to your memory and allow yourself to move forward. You have an amazing journey ahead and not forgiving yourself is only holding you up. Stay positive and a big hug!