“I don’t understand why or how this is happening, it seems like there is something way above my head working against me.” My thoughts have been racking my brain until, they didn’t. I have bent over backwards trying to figure what I am doing wrong. I can’t get ahead in a particular facet of my life, it is beyond frustrating and to a certain extent disrespectful. I have my moments, I fill with exasperation – I am not sure how to respond at times. How can I fight an opponent that I can’t name? One side of my brain tells me I should let things go and allow the process to take its course. The other side of my brain tells me to weed out the culprit. What can I do? Where do I start? Needless to say, my thoughts were heavy.
So I have decided to take the course to let things sift out, I speak less and study the situation more. My words will only be said outloud when they are aimed for impact, intended for the listener to understand that my tolerance for nonsense is nonexistent. I find peace in being still, whereas my thoughts were a complex interconnected web of thoughts, opinions and anxiousness, I allow it no longer. Hence, becoming internally silent allows for peaceful space to exist at my core. And my core is super focused. This is were my shift finally happened.
What?! How?! Why?! I want you to think of your static and anxiety as a circuit board, each line of filament sends a message to areas of your brain and you control the switch board that corresponds to each filament. Is that message positive? How does this message edify your life? Is that message destructive to your process? I want you to check the traffic in your head, like I said you are at the switch board. So you are responsible for what messages get through and what messages do not get through, with this control you now have the ability to have your own silence. Your shift occurs you refuse to allow others to control your switch board.
Is this easy, no. Is it demanding, yes. Retraining your brain to deny entry to of any thoughts that don’t serve you is hard because you have become accustomed to settling in the thought that you are not worthy and it is okay to be mediocre. Ask of yourself if you would be alright with one of your friends thinking this way of themselves, or a family member, or your child. My adversity is not unique to me, but I have made myself responsibe for my response. In doing so I have become demanding of myself in speaking with purpose, in showing grace with my silence and not allowing anyone to live rent free in my head space. You can do this, I know you can come to center and achieve the peace you seek. Stay positive through this process, push through. Big hug!
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