Between work, a personal life, higher education and sleep – life happens. Smiles exchanged and hands held turn an otherwise cold, gray world into a kaleidoscope of colors and flavors. But something seems amiss, your intuition flings a red flag in the air. As you try to reach for it to yank it back down, you topple and scrape your knees. Right when everything seemed to be going so well, everything starts to lose its color – it is a slow walk back to a cold, gray world. What happened?
I want to give you an answer, I really do. I want to pinpoint the moment when I turned my back on the red flag, when I honestly believed it wouldn’t happen. Love (and f**k) is a four letter word, it seems that whereas I thought I saw parallel lines where there weren’t any, perhaps it was really an intersection. Or a mirage. Hope is another four letter word. Do I cast aside my emotions and continue to live numb to the botched attempts at an amorous life? Do I try again? My Achilles heel is the pursuit of a partner that understand that I am independent, yet attentive. I am busy with work, but will stop everything if they need it. My loyalty outweighs all of the distractions of this world and perhaps these are all my down fall. I honestly don’t see it. It is hard to look up when you thought you found the person that completes you.
I can’t sit here and sulk in a stew of self pity, that is not productive. Sitting in a corner with my head swirling only makes me question my every thought. My only option is to continue with work, school and take naps in between. Chocolate cake when I am drowning helps, but what will carry me through is remaining positive. Yes, life has moments that are crushing – moments that make the darkness of the night last longer. However, your energy has to be redirected into projects that give your fulfillment and satisfaction. It isn’t just to move forward, it is to thrust yourself into a life that is being lived. Learn to trust yourself again and remember that the path was never promised to be easy – it only promised reaffirming experiences. So observe, learn and live. Big hug!