It is luring to look back at what you have left behind, some moments appear to be better than they actually were. The rose colored glass is a lens that often gives the illusion that our situation was soft and merciful, but when we take off that lens – reality has a set of much harsher colors to offer. Bottom line is that when looking back with nostalgia we long to be in that fog of self deception. This only fixes us to the idea that the circumstance was perfect – but it wasn’t. It is perfectly fine to turn away and continue on with your journey. If they are meant to be a permanent companion on your voyage, they will find their way back to you.
I struggle. I sit here raw with emotions whirling inside of me. I never thought that I would have to face the decision to have to let go. Untethered from someone that I saw myself with at every step in my journey did not cross my mind. And then one day, it happened. The piece of me that I thought would always be by my side took adrift, leaving me unwillingly cut free. After disbelief subsided, I thought about it all and realized that I don’t want anything that doesn’t want me. The pain is certainly still there, it is crushing at times and at other moments it is peaceful. The intensely damaging pain comes to provide insight, that you are stronger than you thought you would ever need to be.
And so, I have to do what I talk about every week. I stay positive knowing that a door closing means that a door is opening. I have to pull from the experience to see what I did wrong (and right), I have to wish only good things and promise to love myself more than I love anyone. I know that looking back is going to be painful, I don’t want to become bitter – only better for the experience. With this, I push through. Big hug!